Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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