then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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