i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
