Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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