He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
