i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
