just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need a burrito and a hug.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm too high and old for this...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
