in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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