We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize