Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
