i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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