my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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