Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
