There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
