SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
