i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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