one two three fourrrrnication!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
