hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
