Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
