so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
