we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
