sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
