I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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