You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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