At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
