Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
