how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
