new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
