Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
