you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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