My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
