I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
