i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
