Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize