yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
