I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
