Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
