You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
