i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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