Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
