Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
