When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize