Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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