dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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