Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
