Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
