So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
