when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
