i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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