I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
