You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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