Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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