I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
