FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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