Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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