ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want is dick and wine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
