I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
