i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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