And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
