my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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