The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
