i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
