Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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