and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
