she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
