I think scott just propositioned me for sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
