you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
