I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
