sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
