it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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