Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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