I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
