Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
