I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
