I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I FOUND THE LEGS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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