considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
