Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
