just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
