Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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