I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Text me some of your sweat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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