Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
