I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
