I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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