If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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