remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
