life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
