dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
