TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
did you just send me my own nude
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
