Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
