Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
