i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I stole a fireplace last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
