Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
