drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
