So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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