just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
