my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
