Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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